Dumpster Fires Everywhere: A process of psychological transformation

Photo Credit: Cullan Smith

As we near the end of a year that has frequently been compared to a dumpster fire, rather than labelling the year as a write-off, can we reflect on our experience and excavate that which has value?

Let’s stay with the image of a dumpster fire for a moment shall we? Fire is a powerful symbol. It can be both a giver and a destroyer of life and therefore is closely connected with the life and death cycles. As Celeste Ng wisely notes in her book Little Fires Everywhere,

“Sometimes you need to scorch everything to the ground, and start over. After the burning soil is richer, and things can grow. People are like that too. They start over. They find a way.” -Celeste Ng

When we recognize the cyclical nature of life/death/Life cycles, we come to see that our culture’s obsession with life is lopsided. It tends to cling to life and see death as an ultimate end. Done. No more. Finito. Period. This can lead to holding onto old ways of being, patterns, people, and things that may have served us in the past but have turned destructive. We can’t seem to let these old ways die, lest we drop into the ultimate uncertainty of death. Uncertainty is a death of sorts, we don’t know what is in the abyss of unknowing, and that can be frightening. And yet the abyss is necessary for new growth to be seeded. If we feel that death or the abyss is The End, of course we are terrified and cling to the life of outlived ways of being, even if they are past their expiration date.

When we reflect back on all that 2020 has and has not been, what has been scorched for you? What is still smoldering? What has yet to be thrown into the dumpster’s flames? What are you burning to the ground in order for the fertile soil to be ready for new growth?

The fire is in a dumpster, which means it is contained. Like an alchemical vessel, the garbage is being distilled and transformed. Some of the dumpster’s contents may need to be grieved, for grief is a necessary part of the life/death/Life cycle. To allow ourselves to grieve, to feel the loss of what has been or is burning, is not easy. This is why writing off 2020 as a null year or a waste of time can be so appealing. If I don’t reflect on it, I don’t have to feel the flames of transformation.

Grief, like other emotions, has its own autonomy, it is non-linear, and comes in waves. Can we allow ourselves to be taken by these waves? To allow the loss, anger, sadness, and other emotions to wash over and through us? What would it feel like to give ourselves space for the natural slowness of grief?

We tend to our grief by feeling it. By having a good cry, allowing its expression in art, dance, and writing. Giving ourselves permission to slow down, be heavy, tired, unmotivated. Grief can be exhausting, and that is OK. As we move into the darkest days of 2020 (literally and symbolically in many ways) what needs grieving?

Christmas time in any year can stir up the complicated, the muck, and the joy. This year, as restrictions prevent us from gathering, sharing food, and being in community, can we return to the transformational dumpster fire burning bright and tend to its flames?

For a deeper dive into the life/death/Life cycles I invite you to join me at my upcoming online 2021 New Year’s Vision Board Retreat where we will be tending to the transformational fires.

I leave you with a writing exercise that can be helpful in reflecting on 2020 and tracking the life/death/Life cycles in your past year or life in general.

life/death/Life Writing

1. Take a piece of paper and fold it so there are three columns vertically
2. At the top of the far left column, write "life" (with a lower case L)
3. At the top of the middle column, write "death"
4. At the top of the far right column, write "Life" (With a capital L)

Reflect on your life (or 2020 in particular), where has this life/death/Life cycle shown up? Fill in the columns as you go along. 

The response can be as small as a mood change throughout your day and as big as a tragic event or life transition. Be sure to fill in the Life column with what was able to grow after that death. 

Is there anything currently that perhaps served you at some point that is no longer serving you?
Where do you find yourself now in the life/death/Life cycle?

Be gentle with yourself as you reflect.