Falling Into Our Self: An exploration of the ego-Self axis
Photo credit: Dan Freeman
A few days ago, as I waded through puddles, wet leaves, and battled torrential downpour while lugging groceries back home from the grocery store, it dawned on me, it is Fall. Intellectually of course I knew this, but it took the familiar wet-cold seeping into my bones to let it land. I got it. I see you Fall.
So here we are. Fall is a season of both beauty and decay. The leaves are brilliant colours and the air is crisp. It can be hard to remember that these radiant leaves are in the process of dying.
What can we learn from these leaves and what can they teach us at this particular time?
I won’t say much about the times that we live in, because, well, I suspect that you are familiar with them. What I will say is that over the past few years (few years?!) we have experienced collective trauma after collective trauma, on top of whatever personal struggles and traumas that have occurred because those don’t stop for a pandemic. Internally and externally we are questioning established belief systems, political and social structures. Many of the ways that our world has functioned until now, the containers, systems, and beliefs that have been established over the past few millennia are being thrown up in the air. In many cases this is for good reason, they have outlived their stay. And yet this does not make it any easier for the psyche to digest.
At the beginning of the pandemic, there was panic. As time has gone on, this panic can be felt in a pretty consistent undercurrent of collective anxiety, and in projection, splitting, and scapegoating of the other. Many of us have thrown our hands up in the air with a collective sigh and are attempting to exist within these uncertain times.
While we attempt to exist within and navigate through this uncertainty, we can expect an ever present aspect of the psyche that will try its darndest not to let that happen with ease. Enter the ego. From a depth psychological perspective, the ego is the conscious self. This includes all the things we think we know about ourselves, our conscious aspects of personality, The “I am…”, “I am not…”
Because we are human, most of us (apart from people who may have a disability preventing them from conscious personality) have an ego. And while we certainly need a healthy and strong ego to organize, plan, and set healthy boundaries, the ego has a pesky way of wanting to understand, manage, and fix everything. This is often at the cost of connection to the Self.
Jungian Analyst Edward Edinger is known for his extensive understanding of the relationship between the ego and the Self. Building on the work of psychologist Erich Neumann and child psychiatrist/ Jungian analyst Michael Fordham, he thought that when babies are born, they are born whole, unconscious, and without a developed ego. He believed that they are born totally submerged within the Self and that gradually, as the child develops and adapts to the world, the ego differentiates out of this wholeness. The ego can be thought to be the subjective identity of the child. And as you might imagine, early childhood experiences can greatly affect the state of the ego. Trauma, neglect, and unpredictable circumstances can all contribute to its fragility while having developmental needs met with appropriate mirroring and a safe environment with healthy boundaries can help in the development of a healthy and strong ego.
The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung described the Self as both the centre and the circumference of the psyche. He thought the Self to be the archetype of wholeness. We might consider it to be the part of the psyche that is infinite, eternal, and that which can access wisdom and deep knowing. The Self, as you can see, is a BIG concept. All life is thought to rest upon the Self and its energy. Jung was known to liken the Self to the god image or divine within.
The spirit of our times is dominated by the ego, rationality, productivity, and linear thought.
Our times are also pervaded by obsessive consumerism, depression, and anxiety. Coincidence? Perhaps not. The ego needs a connection to the Self or a sense of emptiness, alienation, desperation and depression will ensue.
At the turn of the 20th century in Switzerland, in Jung’s times, he noted that the traditional symbols and images of the Christian myth, which had served for many thousands of years as psychic containers for the Self, were falling away. He noticed that the symbols no longer carried the charge of the god image for increasing numbers of people. As a result, Jung saw the major task of individuation to be locating the Self within.
When old containers for the Self, such as Christianity, have fallen away, there is a risk of unconsciously seeking substitutes in addiction, political movements, alcoholism, work, and consumerism to name just a few. The Self can really be projected onto anyone or anything. Projection of the Self can be necessary to be able to see that we have a Self. For example, when we idealize a romantic interest, a talent, a political movement, spiritual leader, coach or therapist. When we raise them up to the status of a religion, god, or goddess, from a depth psychology perspective, what we see in them is actually a projection of the Self. These projections ultimately need to be recognized and reclaimed in order to become more whole humans. Our work is to gain consciousness of the Self within.
So just what is the ego-Self axis?
This is a concept that dates back to Neumann’s work and basically builds upon Jung’s thought that the process of individuation (the process of becoming our authentic and whole selves) is the moving of the centre of gravity from the ego to the Self.
If we can imagine a + cross with the ego as the horizontal line and the Self as the vertical, ideally we have one foot in both. The ego needs the Self, it fuels the ego’s reality, life would feel empty and meaningless without it. On the other hand, the Self needs the ego too. I had a professor who wisely said,
“You need a strong ego spaceship built in mundane reality to explore the stars.”
The spaceship being the ego and the stars the Self. Without that ego spaceship, at best, not much would get done in this lifetime, at worst we may float around unprotected in psychosis. We need the ego’s ability to decide, plan, and execute tasks to incarnate the images, insights, and intuitions of the Self into the mundane world.
The concept of the ego-Self axis can ground this vast and abstract image of the Self to the ego or sense of “I.” The axis shows both the ego and Self as separate and connected, and this is how it ideally should be. Unfortunately, this is not always the case and can lead to some very real dangers.
When there is not enough differentiation between ego and Self, the ego can become inflated. This happens when the ego identifies with, or becomes possessed by, the Self. When this happens the ego inflates, it blows up like a balloon, which sets it up for a fall in the long run. When the conscious “I” believes it is a god image or the Self, the actual Self says “oh hell no,” and pulls the rug out from under us, then deflation occurs. Connection to the Self is ideal, becoming the Self is not. We can see this inflation and deflation cycle, this hubris and forced sacrifice, in spiritual or political leaders that have inflated and identified with the Self or god image and have fallen through scandal and reports of abuse. It is impossible to have an ego-Self axis if the ego is undifferentiated from the Self. We need to have a conscious relationship with it rather than be identified with it.
If we take a look at ourselves, we may also notice this occurring in day-to-day life. When our egos get too big, we fall. I will share a memory that depicts a very literal example of this. I am in my early twenties travelling in Thailand riding down a fairly steep hill on a small motorcycle sporting short shorts, a tank top and a very flimsy helmet. I had just figured out how to drive a motorcycle a month or so prior, on my own, when the nice lady at the rental shop handed me a bike, told me how to turn it on, and directed me to the road outside. So here I was flying down the roads of Koh Lanta with a friend who had just been introduced to her motorbike a few days before. She was riding in front of me and going far too slow. Something came over me and I thought, I know how to ride a bike! I’ll show her how it’s done. I sped up to pass her on the hill, not seeing the patch of gravel. All of a sudden I was sliding across the road- thankfully the bike took most of the impact and I miraculously came out of the fall with only a few scrapes and a severely bruised ego. At that moment when my ego became inflated, the patch of gravel appeared. And this is how it often goes.
The ego-Self axis can be helpful in giving us a simple road map to the relational dynamics of the ego and Self. The Self can send messages to the ego and the ego can discern whether or not to act on them and respond to the Self. Ideally, they are working in a symbiotic and communicative relationship. They may not always agree yet they need each other both to be able to function in the world and for a meaningful and fulfilling life.
The ego -Self axis can be blocked by egoic clinging to narratives and old dried-out ways of being.
How do we clear the debris that may be getting in the way? How do we know that the debris is there in the first place? We can find ourselves in a real place of suffering when we feel alienated from the Self. Emptiness, feelings of alienation and loneliness, confusion, doubt, anxiety and depression are some signs that the connection between ego and Self has been obscured.
Curiosity can be a good place to begin. Instead of scolding ourselves for being in a state of mucky emotion or hopelessness, can we become curious about it? Curiosity cuts through judgement and lets the Self know that we care, that we are interested in what it is communicating through our symptoms.
Dream work & active imagination The Self can speak through the images and figures of our dreams and imagination. Just the act of paying attention to our dreams and imaginal images and writing them down can send a message to the Self that we are receptive. This builds trust with the Self and in turn, the Self often increases communication.
Journaling Journalling can prompt Self reflection, especially automatic writing. Allowing whatever comes through the pen to come through without thinking too much about it, approaching the content with curiosity, without judgement can be a good healing balm for ego-Self connection.
Depth-oriented therapy Much of contemporary main-stream psychology is ego-based. With the goal of optimal productivity and smooth everyday functioning, they do have a time and a place. However, most do not acknowledge the Self. The goal of depth-oriented therapy or analysis is to clear the way to the Self as much as possible, to be curious about the Self, to connect with the Self, to acknowledge its existence.
Any act of individuation From a depth psychology perspective, Individuation is the process of becoming our true, authentic selves, apart from collective expectations, who we think we should be, or what we think we should be doing. However, because we are human, we will never reach a state of complete wholeness, individuation is the process of moving towards wholeness. As Jungian analyst James Hollis notes,
“The goal of individuation is wholeness, as much as we can accomplish, not the triumph of the ego.”- James Hollis, from the Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife
Acts of individuation can be as simple as making time to practice returning to the still point, to our dreams, to our painting, writing, and dancing. Saying no to things we think we should do, but don’t feel right, is an act of individuation. Saying yes to things we feel called to, but that don’t seem logical, is an act of individuation. A good practice is to ask ourselves the question if saying yes or no would feel like a betrayal or affirmation of self. With time this discernment becomes easier. There are as many acts of individuation as there are people, what these acts have in common is a felt sense of coming home, of building trust with the Self.
Unobstructing the ego-Self axis is particularly important in our times. Becoming our own people so that we can relate to the collective in a differentiated way can prevent divisive upheavals, collective scapegoating, projection, and fear of the other. Since the Self can be projected outward onto political or spiritual leaders, an understanding of the ego-Self axis can be a safeguard against being swept up by collective psychosis and anchor us to an inner knowing and autonomy.
In order to be in clear communication with the Self, our egos would do well to loosen their grip on the leaves that are ready to fall, perhaps old narratives and beliefs that no longer have life, and allow them to drop, to listen to the natural cycles, and to trust that new life and insight will arise from the Self.
